Something occurred to me today and I wanted to share. It’s to do with my depression and realising how severely affected by it I was. This isn’t to say this is what made me get help because it’s not, but once I’d started treatment and it had started working this is what I noticed. I was incredibly negative. This was pointed out to me by Facebook in the form of the memories that would pop up on my timeline each day. At the time I was just ranting, in my mmind, Iwas being rather amusing with my observations of how irritating other people were, but now when I look back I cringe and realise how deeply unhappy I actually was.
It came out as anger, bitterness and cynicism. I’d complain about the bus, the people on the bus, customers at work, how busy it was in town, service I was getting iintoshops, my neighbours and anything else that had the misfortune of crossing my path.
I was a victim of depression and couldn’t see it because depression does that, it masks everything. It’s probably a way of coping by mdoingnothing your fault and putting the responsibility for your happiness elsewhere.
Although I didn’t realise I was depressed I knew I was never happy. I cried often, I was ierraticand had lots of mood swings. I had headaches, feelings of dread and constantly felt tired.
When I finally got treatment and started feeling better I slowly noticed the change in my Facebook posts, they became happier. When I was reading my memories I was horrified at how bitter and negative they were but that is simply the nature of the beast.
For the last year I have deleted the negative statuses each day when my Memories come up. It’s very cathartic and for the last few weeks I have had only happy memories and kind words appearing when I check my account.
The reason I wanted to share this is because if I knew then what I know now I might have noticed the negative trend and bbeingable to identify the fact I wasn’t well and got help much sooner. I don’t regret it, because everything that has happened has led me here. But if sharing this helps somebody else notice that their own way of thinking is perhaps not conducive to their own happiness, maybe it will help them seek help and heal.
Lots of love xx