It’s easy to feel like you aren’t enough when you’re living with a chaotic mind in a chaotic life. When you have demands coming at you from every direction and you don’t know which one to answer first, it’s easy to just listen to the voice that shouts the loudest. When that voice is your own, shouting that you aren’t good enough, it’s very difficult to ignore.
As humans it seems to be our nature to undervalue our own efforts and gloss over any success. When you have anxiety and depression it’s more profound than that. You loathe yourself, you feel like a failure all the time, you want to do well but no matter how well you do it isn’t enough…you’re never enough.
Although I can’t speak for others I want to say that when it comes to recovery and the ongoing journey I take with anxiety this is especially true. I’m often guilty of judging myself too harshly in regards to how well I’m doing and it’s only when I turn a corner and start to feel better I can accept my so called shortcomings. This is where I am at the moment and this is why I wanted to write this now, so I can read it later when I need to give myself some advice.
This is it…
YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH.
I’m human, I’m weak and I’m fallible and that’s okay. If we just give ourselves permission to be less than perfect we can start to accept ourselves and love our flaws. We can find a way to live with ourselves in a way that works.
While we need to accept ourselves, we should never stop trying to grow and develop, we just need to be a lot kinder in the way we go about it. We just need to find ways to do things so we can participate in the world without it feeling like a chore or a punishment.
Take me as an example. I don’t like unfamiliar surroundings and I hate having things sprung on me. I need time to plan, to feel a bit in control or else my panic. It doesn’t make me a bad person and it doesn’t make me boring. It’s just the way I am. Having a spontaneous husband doesn’t make this easy but he is good for me. He understands when I turn down the sudden suggestion of a night out but equally I am challenged to step out of my comfort zone from time to time. So now, rather than always saying no, I try to deal with things by putting plans in place to give me back some of the control. I plan how we’re getting there, how we’re getting home, how long we’re likely to be out and often that’s enough for me to go out and have a good time. But sometimes it’s all too much and I have to say no, I can’t go out tonight, I’m freaking out…and that’s okay.
It doesn’t matter how many tries it takes, only that we don’t give up. Life is basically an extended period of trying. Sometimes we succeed, sometimes we learn something and need to try again, sometimes we realise we’re going in completely the wrong direction and need to change course and it’s all okay.
I think the point I’m trying to make is, if we do what we can do, that’s enough. Don’t berate yourself, don’t judge yourself harshly, don’t be your own worst critic.
You did good…
You did what you could…
You did enough…
You ARE enough.